But this month has been too much. Too much has happened and I really feel like giving up. So many times I've been completely deserted by people who I thought were my best friends, so one would think I'd have grown some sort of immunity to that kind of pain, but I guess not. People just don't seem to stick around for long.
It truly does suck, because so many nice things are happening as well, but they're all instantly blackened by my negatives, and I can't seem to look at anything with optimistic eyes. I wish I could just disappear, vanish into thin air, and forget everything that has happened.
But I can't, and people still bitch about me, and people still fake friendships to me, and people still let me down, and people still ignore me, and I still feel like god damn killing myself sometimes but then I realise how stupid that is, and instead wish I could move away down south and never have to see anyone I've known ever again. Even the people who mean so much to me don't seem to shine through to me when I feel like this, and I hate myself for that because I know they care. I hope they care.
Nothing in my life gives me optimism or enthusiasm right now. It seems that when I'm feeling my lowest, that's when people feel like turning it up and letting loose. I fucking hate you worthless people. I fucking hate that I rant like this, and I fucking hate how I can seem to find some sort of equilibrium in my life.
I fucking hate high school, it leaves me crying all the time.
I'm so weak.
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