home hermit.

too many times, people have screwed me over. for a very large majority of my teenage life I've been pulled along by promises that were made to be broken and friendships as fake as glue on nails. More than once I've felt like this, wanting to shut myself away in my house and wait for people to come to me, but people don't and I'm sick of hating myself all the time. I make plans and they either fall through or I get stood up. I make friends and they let me down time after time. I'm fucking sick to death of feeling so worthless.

From now on, I'm doing life solo. People don't seem to want me, and I'm seeming to want people less and less. I'm finding it harder to warm to people as I'm constantly waiting for the moment they let me down.

I enjoy seeing movies by myself because I don't get distracted. I enjoy shopping by myself because it gives me time to think things over. I enjoy catching buses by myself because I can read. I've adapted to doing things by myself due to all these let downs, so either I'll gain enough confidence to be an independent person, or I'll become a massive recluse and live out the rest of my Cairns life in my flat, alone.

And if the latter was to happen, then I'd have no one to blame but all you people who constantly make me feel completely worthless. You've turned me bitter, and like I said to Laura today, the ratio between the number of people I like and the number of people I dislike is staggeringly overwhelming.

I hope I meet some nice, genuine people soon.