Before I Die I Want To..

Ride an elephant. That's what I want to do. What do you want to do?

A Polaroid Project is a collaborative project between Nicole Kenney, KS Rives, and the world. They take a polaroid photo of the person and get them to finish the sentence 'before I die I want to..' and so far they've got albums from New York, Chicago, LA, India, and heaps more. Mostly America though.

Here are some of my favourites:

I just really like this guy's hand writing :)

this guy is a trickster.

I haven't even read half of all these yet.. a lot are funny, most are really sad and touching. Almost all of the kids from India said they'd like to study before they die, and that's just such a beautiful thing to wish for. I wish every kid had the opportunity to learn. Also, make sure to look at the Hospice > Patients section. That killed me :( Especially the photo of the frail old man.. I couldn't bear to post it on here, it's so heart breaking.

Check out this amazing project: http://beforeidieiwantto.org

I'm Max.

I just saw Where the Wild Things Are and I realised something. I am exactly like Max. Not in the sense that he's playful and interesting and creates his own fun, but that he's weird and people can't accept or like him, even down to the part where he makes weird noises to himself. That is exactly me. While I was watching it I was feeling happy because he starts off all playful, and even though people don't like him and he's always by himself, he's still content, and I was thinking "I know how you feel man" but then it turned awful and all the monsters hated him because his 'fun' had turned mean and hurtful and no one wanted to know him anymore.

And by the end of the movie I felt so low and horrible, not only with how the movie made me feel but also with myself. I mean, Max ran away to this alternate world and he escaped his real life misery, if only for a little bit. Then I realised that I can never do that and I'm stuck in this shit of a life where people don't want me and I spend all my time alone or with people who won't remember me in 5 years time, and I waste my time on these people. Not only my time but my emotions and my money and my trust, all on people who don't seem to turely care about me. I keep telling myself not to let myself fall back into the pattern of trusting people to do things and be places but I do and I end up back here all by myself and feeling as shit as I do now.

So in conclusion, Where The Wild Things Are is a FANTASTIC movie. Spike Jonze is a truely amazing director with a beautiful visual aesthetic, Karen O and Carter Burwell make an amazingly wonderful team and soundtrack, and Paul Dano makes a very heartfelt and wonderful Alex. But it made me feel like utter fuck because it hit TOO close to home. Maybe if I watch it in a few weeks, when I'm down in Tasmania, I'll feel a lot better. But right now I feel horribly isolated, and hating everyone and everything.

And don't tell me I have a good life, because you can't compare someone's physical daily life to their emotional life.

This got a bit confusing.

Myspace updates stream got a bit confusing, coz Laura and I have nearly the same display picture.

'Cept hers is different to mine.

0H eDW0rrD cULL3n, G3t iNSid3 m3!!

My day off.

Today was my day off and not wanting to waste a whole day, I went op shopping with my lovely friends Laura and Angus. After we picked Angus up we went to the op shop down the road from his house. I bought a pink vase and a cute pair of shoes, and Laura bought Angus a children's Batman mask and cape combo for $2, and I'll get a photo of it soon and stick it on here. Purely because it's the most ridiculous thing I've seen in a while. Before we properly set off though we had to go into town so I could withdraw money, and we bumped into Arruna and Karl from The Medics. Karl tried our bubble tea and seemed intrigued and possibly afraid of the beverage, and Arruna said "bye Karl" and joined us on our op shop crawl. Angus directed us to a place I'd never heard of, called..

and is was the most magical and amazing and lovely and brilliant op shop I've ever been to in my entire existence. I found this awesome retro tv from the 50's or 60's and apparently it still works and I had to have it.. it was only $20, c'mon! I also bought two doilies and a cat teapot. It's possibly the most kitsch thing I own.

Angus found a tin man costume

We went to Kaotica, then to Night Owl to get slushies coz MAN it was so freakin' hot today, like you wouldn't believe. At the Earlville Lifeline Laura and I tried on these fantastic Asian wedding dresses.

Mine didn't zip up though coz it was tiny, so I was walking around the shop like a proper Asian hooker with my bra strap hanging out. We were hot.

After we picked up Laura's sister Olivia from school and dropping her home we went to Crackerbox Palace. Laura found this hideous but strangely amazing cowboy-like floral shirt that she vowed to go back and buy when she got paid, and I really hope she does coz she's a big babe when she wears it.

Eventually it came past 4 o'clock and Angus realised he had to go home, so after dropping Arruna off at a red light on Lake Street, and running over Angus's foot when we dropped him off at his house, I finally got home.. Only to realise that I'd left my tv in Laura's boot :(

She's stopping by later to drop it off to me, so I'll set how that baby runs. Oh yeah, it was a pretty excellent day.

Christmas Party

A couple of nights ago was my work's Christmas Party and we had to buy a $3 present for the Secret Santa.. mine cost $4, but mother bear's present only cost $1.88 so I think her lack-of-present (it was a Kinder surprise) makes up for my over spending. I think it was well worth it though:

Adrian ended up getting it and he said he was going to use the eyes in one of his sock monster creations he's been working on. I must get my hands on one.. Anyway, he said he was going to sell them at MOFO, so if you live in Cairns you should go check them out (when they're actually in there, of course.. I'll let you know).

So I was super jealous, and I kind of want a pair of google glasses for myself. If you can't think of something to get me for Christmas, I would very much appreciate a $4 pair of google eyes.

Thanks :)

I get a real kick outta..

finding spelling or grammatical mistakes on official pieces of text.. like on shampoo bottles, or ads on Facebook:

"Christmasr?"

do you get a real kick out of something weird?

I'm finally going to start getting serious..

About making my resin jewellery. Here's my first real good proper one I made:

Selling for $20 (resin is pricey!) and you can have whatever design you want on it.. I'm going to start making default ones with berries and bluebirds on them. Once I get a decent amount of these made, I'm going to tag along with my nan to her market stalls in Smithfield, Mareeba, Yungaburra, etc. and try to sell them at the markets :)

I'm also going to draw up a book of designs people can choose from, just like when you go to get your face painted and they have that folder full of photos.. it'll be like that :)

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papier mache magazine.

Sometimes, I inter-stumble across something really lovely.. like papier mache magazine. It's a free Australian online magazine for kids, but it's just so lovely and amazing and wonderful, I can't get over it. It's like frankie for children.. but for very sophisticated and artistic children.. It should be in print, is what I'm saying. Not only do they have cute pages about artists:

They also have little featurettes from designers, shop owners and sellers:

Cute portraiture photoshoots:

As well as little snippets about the kids themselves:

So check it out here: http://www.papier-mache.com.au/

This will officially be stimulus material for my artwork!

home hermit.

too many times, people have screwed me over. for a very large majority of my teenage life I've been pulled along by promises that were made to be broken and friendships as fake as glue on nails. More than once I've felt like this, wanting to shut myself away in my house and wait for people to come to me, but people don't and I'm sick of hating myself all the time. I make plans and they either fall through or I get stood up. I make friends and they let me down time after time. I'm fucking sick to death of feeling so worthless.

From now on, I'm doing life solo. People don't seem to want me, and I'm seeming to want people less and less. I'm finding it harder to warm to people as I'm constantly waiting for the moment they let me down.

I enjoy seeing movies by myself because I don't get distracted. I enjoy shopping by myself because it gives me time to think things over. I enjoy catching buses by myself because I can read. I've adapted to doing things by myself due to all these let downs, so either I'll gain enough confidence to be an independent person, or I'll become a massive recluse and live out the rest of my Cairns life in my flat, alone.

And if the latter was to happen, then I'd have no one to blame but all you people who constantly make me feel completely worthless. You've turned me bitter, and like I said to Laura today, the ratio between the number of people I like and the number of people I dislike is staggeringly overwhelming.

I hope I meet some nice, genuine people soon.